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Special thanks to Barb for the inspiration and help in proofreading and to Bethany who asked some questions that lead me to include some details that I would otherwise have left out.

Several weeks ago, a friend on the Onelist posted about a very bad day that she had and asked what would have happened to her if she had been married to one of the men on the list whose wives are subject to spanking for misbehavior. I was one of the men who replied and Bethany asked me to expand on it and work it up into an article. Here is a copy of her post that I have edited:

Hi everyone,

Bad day, very, very, bad day. I screwed up big time this morning. Since I currently do not have anyone I must confess to, I thought I would confess to you all. And I am curious what would be the consequences of a similar series of infractions in your households.

True story, not a fabrication (I wish it were!!!)

I was late for work this morning (second morning in a row.) Somehow when I went to bed last night I forgot to set my alarm, either that or it just didn't go off like it was suppose to. (I am sure it didn't have anything to do with the fact that I was on the computer until almost 1:30.)

I woke up much later than I usually try to get up. Even rushing around like crazy, I left the house knowing I was going to be late... ....again. I was driving down the road trying to make up for lost time...yep, you guessed it...I got pulled over for speeding; not just regular speeding, but speeding through a school zone. That means the fine is doubled. I was doing 36mph in the 25mph-school zone.

Damn, it has been more than 2 years since my last ticket and I was really hoping that I would make it three years so that everything would be off my driving record.

And of course, when I get stopped there is always something else that I haven't taken care of that the officer can give me a ticket for. This time it was an expired inspection sticker. I was really hoping he wouldn't notice.

Of course he noticed. Did I know it was expired? Yes. Why hadn't I taken care of it? I don't know. I just never seemed to get around to getting it done. My car is fine, I am sure it would pass inspection. I just never went and paid the $5.00 it cost to get that sticker updated. So now I have that ticket on top of the other one.

I made it on to work, quite late. At least now I have an excuse, I got stopped for speeding.

On the way home this evening I started hearing a thumping sound from the rear of my car. I was thinking that is all I need...car problems, when I MUST go get that inspection sticker, soon.

When I slowed down I couldn't hear it as bad. I pulled over to see if I could see something stuck under my car that was flopping around. When I got out I could hear air escaping out of my right rear tire.

I hopped back in, hoping I could make it somewhere before it went completely flat. Could I be that lucky today?

No of course not. I am out there changing my tire. It had to be about 102 out today. The lug nuts were on too tight. I almost couldn't get them off. I came close to stripping one of the bolts or maybe it is the nut.

You guys know which one it is, the one that turns (or won't turn as the case may be.)

Someone did stop to help me, but by that time I had the tire off and the spare on. He tightened the lug nuts for me, and said I need to replace that one. Then he lowered the jack and helped me put everything back in the trunk. He noticed my AAA sticker on the back bumper and asked me why I hadn't just called them to come change it. I don't know, it never occurred to me to call them just to change a flat. He said that is what I am paying them for. I guess he was right.

Like I said, this does not rank as one of my favorite days.

So ladies, what would have happened to you if you had had a similar day? I mean after all the alarm clock did not go off. That is what got the day off to such a bad start. If you had gotten a ticket would it be excused as long as you confessed it promptly?

How about you guys? Would you have let me slide on this one? I truly did have a bad day. I ended up having to change a flat tire in the heat. That was really miserable. I skinned my knuckles trying to get the stupid lug nuts off. They still hurt. Would you have considered me punished enough?

How about you, Josh? You are always so nice. You have been married all these years. Would you have been understanding if your wife had had a similar day?

Talk to you soon,

Barb (BJ)

I read her post over several times and realized that she was serious and really wanted to know how she would fare as a spanked wife, after a day like that. She realized that she had brought much of her trouble on herself and didn't doubt that a spanking would be in order, but wondered how severe it would be and what form it would take.

I needed to know more about her and her situation before I could give her a serious answer, so I posted a reply asking her to answer some questions, which she did. She was a bit hesitant though, as you'll see when you read her reply to me.

To Josh,

Oh brother, I can not tell you how much I wish I had never started this. Me and my big mouth. I can't imagine why I posted my stupidity all over this list. I guess I was still so upset when I got home that I just wanted to talk about it.

I might wish that I had never started this, but I did so I will muster my courage and be totally honest. I have already opened up enough to show how incredibly irresponsible I can be in some areas of my life, so I might as well go all the way.

Without being too specific, I will give you a quick background, before I begin to "fess up." In most areas of my life I am totally "put together." I am highly respected in my professional field, and have received numerous awards. I love learning and I am always enrolled in some college class to learn about something I have become interested in. I have enough degrees for three or four people and I am currently working on a doctorate. I am not saying this to brag, in fact I am almost embarrassed to admit it. All of this makes my current situation even more deplorable. I am truly without excuse. I don't know why I do (or don't do) some of the things I do (or don't do.) I have managed to get myself in some truly horrendous messes, just because I don't take care of things in a timely and responsible manner. Always things in my personal life, never anything job related or things that might affect other people.

Okay, truth time.

Josh Smith wrote:

Are you frequently late for work?

In truth it is an ongoing problem. I will do great for months and then suddenly I will have an entire week (or more) where it seems almost impossible to get there on time. I am rarely seriously late, almost always it is less than 10 minutes. Usually it is about 4 or 5 minutes. I have never been reprimanded for being late. But in my position, I shouldn't ever be late. I should be there early.

**********
Do you make a habit of speeding and just happened to get caught this time?

I am not sure how to answer this one, I definitely push the limits. I never drive under the speed limit, but I don't drive really fast either. I am usually about 4 or 5 miles over the posted limit. When I realized I was in a school zone, I slowed down immediately, but it was too late. That is not really a viable excuse though, because I have driven that way to work for years. I can't claim I didn't know that the school was there. My mind was busy thinking about other things and I just wasn't paying attention.

**********
If I was your husband and you came home and confessed, would you be contrite or would you make excuses?

I think I would be pretty contrite. (I am feeling VERY contrite right now.) My excuses don't even hold water for myself. I am honest enough to know that there is no justifying most of the stupid stuff I do.

**********
Were you reminded about the inspection sticker, before you got the ticket (I mean by anyone, since I obviously couldn't have reminded you.)

This is another one that is hard to admit to. Yes, I have had it pointed out to me twice over the past couple of months. And I truly meant to go take care of it. I just never seemed to think about it when I had the time, and when I would think about it there was always some reason why I couldn't go take care of it. In truth, I struggle with serious procrastination tendencies.

Okay, that is it. I am headed for bed, because I WILL be on time for work tomorrow. And I will not have to speed to do so. I'll check to see your verdict tomorrow after I get off work. I won't be getting on the computer in the morning, because that is the reason I was running late yesterday.

Signing off for now,

Barb (BJ)

As I mention in my reply to her, this situation would never befall my wife because I would be helping her to remember things like inspection stickers, etc. And would help her with her auto maintenance. I use a reminder system that goes something like this:

This is realistic and happens much more frequently than what happened Friday night. Do you remember "The Fonz" from "Happy Days"? He could always defuse a situation just by walking in and saying a few choice words. Ritchie tried that once and almost got clobbered for his trouble. Naturally the Fonz saved the day at the last minute, but when Ritchie asked him later why it didn't work for HIM, his answer was that for it to work, you've got have actually hit somebody at least once in your life. <LOL>

My reminder system is based on the same logic. If there was never a hard paddling, the reminders wouldn't work.

We'll use the inspection sticker problem as an example.

You arrive home Friday evening about seven. You've called and told me that you're going to be late and I'm listening for your car, because you usually bring home work (YUCK!) and it's sometimes bulky file boxes that you need help unloading, plus of course I'm glad to see you.

At the sound of gravel crunching in the drive I go out and say, "Hi Hon, how was your day?"

"Exhausting. I'm so glad to finally be home. I hope you don't mind that I stopped and got some take-out. I'm too pooped to cook."

"Of course that's fine, I'm glad you're finally home, too."

We exchange pecks on the cheek and get the file boxes and the food inside and then it's time for a real kiss. We're locked in each other's arms for a few minutes exchanging wet kisses and when we finally come up for air, you ask, "Are we having cold supper tonight?" as you flash me a big grin.

"That wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen would it?"

(Smiling) "No."

"Baby?"

"Umm Hmm?"

"Are this year's inspection stickers the same color as last year's?"

You look a little confused. "Uh...well...they..."

You look up and see my raised eyebrow. "Umm...Idunno."

"So that sticker that I just saw on your car is the same one that was there Tuesday when I cautioned you that it was going to expire next Friday?"

Looking down at my chest. "Yessir."

My hands move down your back and around to your hip bones.

"Does that mean that you ignored my warning?"

"Nosir, I was just so busy that I forgot."

I hook my thumbs in the waistbands of your slacks and panties and pull them down to just below your bottom.

"UUUUUM!"

You stand erect, but without stiffening your body, eyes closed, head down. My hands come back up to your hipbones and I turn you ninety degrees to my left. I take a firm hold on your right hip bone with my left arm across your tummy, pulling you gently but firmly into my own body and begin to caress the skin of your bottom with my right hand.

"I meant to, honest! I just was busy and forgot! I'll get it done, I promise. I'd never disobey."

I give you five or six smacks on each cheek that are meant to sting, but not cause lasting pain or soreness.

My mouth is close to your ear and my voice is low. "I know you tried to be a good girl, so I'm not punishing you, I'm just giving you a stronger reminder, since my words didn't make enough of an impression."

Five or six more spanks land on your unprotected bottom, followed by rubbing patting, caressing. "This is what's going to happen. By Tuesday evening, you'll have a new sticker on your car. If not you'll be across my knee for a good spanking with my hand. If Thursday comes and it's still not done, I'll do it myself. If I have to do that, we'll have to have a 'meeting of the board'. I REALLY don't want that, do you?"

"NO SIR!"

My hand is still roaming freely over your bottom. "Since your memory seems to be failing you lately, a 'meeting of the board' is when YOUR butt has a very up-close and personal meeting with MY board!"

You unconsciously tighten the muscles of your bottom and goose bumps begin to form. You fidget, but don't pull away. I'm still enjoying the feel of you down there.

"OOH NOO! PLEASE! You won't have to do that, I swear. I'll see to it."

"There's my good girl. I knew you didn't do it on purpose and that you'd do the right thing if I explained to you properly how important it was to take care of it."

My hand is still feeling your beautiful bottom, luxuriating in the texture of your skin, the shape, and the warmth. As it pauses on the fullest curve of your right cheek, I can't resist giving you a little squeeze there.

You look up and flash me a wet-faced smile as if I'm the most important man in the world. "MMMMMMM, that feels soo gooood!"

Looks like we'll be having a cold supper tonight after all.

After I shared this with the ladies on the list, some of them said they'd probably "push" for the hand spanking, but really try to get it done in time to avoid the paddling. At my house that would probably not be the case since my wife hates punishment spankings and always says that she wants to back out of our agreement that she will get one whenever she needs it. That's always before I let her up off my lap though. She always changes her tune when it's all over and tries to see how close she can hug me and tell me how good she feels about having someone willing to do that for her and how much she loves me.

She never tries to goad me into spanking her. I believe the reason for that is that she also gets erotic spankings and whenever she feels neglected, she has ways of letting me know it. Before you jump to the conclusion that she actually has to ask for a spanking, let me tell you how she goes about letting me know.

I'm usually on the computer for some time in the evenings and if she needs attention, she starts interrupting me for spurious reasons. If pretend not to get the message, eventually her panties will come flying in and land on the keyboard!

How's that for an attention getter, folks?

She once came up behind me and asked how I liked her new outfit. I turned and there she stood wearing nothing but the little apron that she wears in the kitchen.

I could go on, but I'm sure that you get the idea.

Please understand that we don't play at spanking. When she gets a spanking, it's the real thing. But there are important differences in the two types and she's never confused about which one she's getting at the time. I'll describe a punishment later, but the erotic ones take the form of me spanking her with my hand and sometimes the paddle, if my hand starts to hurt. I spank till she can't be still and then stop to rub and talk to her. After a bit I'll start to spank again and there is lots of teasing and flirting going on all the while. That may last for up to an hour, depending on how long we want to put off the main event, which is not spanking!

We've gotten to the point that sex that is not preceded by spanking is good, but it's just sex. Sex after a spanking is really something that seems to be on a much higher plane than sex "without".

Of course we didn't start out married life this way. "Obey" was in her marriage vows and we were serious about it. I told her that she really didn't have to actually say it, but that it would be expected that I would be the head of the house. She insisted that it be included in the ceremony so that everyone who attended the wedding would know that she was comfortable with it.

Shortly after we were married she developed the habit of throwing a tantrum every time she didn't get her way. One night I threatened to spank her, if she didn't calm down immediately and she reacted by saying that her parents had used a belt on her when she was still at home. She had gotten it the last time when she was twelve and that she hated it and now that she was a grown woman (of nineteen) that she would never live with a man who "beat" her. She would "go home to mama" if I insisted on spanking her. I feared that she may have truly been abused and that being spanked now, would be very bad experience for her.

She did calm down though and I mulled it over for a few days while I picked her brothers for information. They agreed that she was not abused in any way and that for every whipping she got, one of them got at least a dozen. I logged that valuable information in my memory banks and waited for the next fit. I didn't have to wait very long. As soon as she got wound up, I told her that she had agreed to obey me and that didn't mean after she had a screaming fit over not getting whatever she wanted. She could decide if I spanked her or not by behaving herself. Or I'd paddle her fanny good and she could suit herself about running home to mama.

I had every intention of doing as I said I would and evidently she realized that. I don't ever remember having a real fight after that. She would present her case and maybe pout a little, if my decision wasn't what she wanted, but she would accept it.

Several years passed and one night while I was killing time waiting for her to do some shopping, I browsed a local bookstore. I ran across a book with the title "My Secret Garden." I was surprised to find that it was a compilation of women's sexual fantasies and even more surprised at how many of them involved spanking. They ran all the way from wives who were given discipline spankings by their husbands to women who liked their lovers to give them a good bottom warming before having intercourse.

There was even a woman whose fantasy was being back at her old high school and waiting, along with several other girls, outside the principle's office for discipline. She never described any spanking, just talked about having a strong urge to urinate and having terrible butterflies in her tummy. She told how all the other girls were pale and nervous and acted as if they had the same problems that she did. Then she told of hearing the sounds of the paddle smacking the girl who had just gone in. She listened as the girl not only yelped with each smack of the paddle, but finally broke down and cried. Then she described the effect those sounds had on herself and the other girls who were waiting for the same thing to happen to them..

The next morning, with that book still fresh in my mind, I asked my wife if she had any fantasies that she would like to act out. We had never done anything like that and the idea appealed to me. She said no at first, but then she admitted that she did have one, but couldn't tell me about it for fear that I would think she was "weird and perverted". After some time spent coaxing her, she finally told me that she had always fantasized about having her bare bottom spanked with a ping pong paddle with pauses to have her bottom rubbed with paddle between spanks.

I drove off to our friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart and got the fanciest ping pong paddle they had, that same day and we've been doing erotic spanking at our house ever since.

More years passed and one day she did something that was very upsetting to both of us. She asked if she could go and get the paddle and have me give her a really hard spanking for it. I flatly refused for two reasons. One was that I didn't think that she realized what she was asking for and the other was that I was mad as a hornet. Both reasons combined led me to believe that if I spanked her then, it might end in divorce!

The subject did come up again and we agreed that whenever either of us thought she needed a good spanking and I was calm enough to do the job without overdoing it, she would get a punishment spanking. Since then we have discovered that a good spanking does wonders when she's just depressed and needs a good cry and won't surrender herself to it, usually from just plain stubbornness.

If you disregard some of the things she says while actually being spanked, she always takes her spankings like a trooper. She has only complained about being spanked too hard, after I had actually stopped spanking her, a grand total of once. She was doing a little war dance around our bedroom at the time, while frantically clutching a bottom cheek in each hand so I felt that it was safe to just ignore her. I was right as her actions proved when she wanted to cuddle five minutes later.

So what does all that have to do with Barb's bad day? I'm going to describe for Barb how I would deal with her, if she were my wife and had the kind of day that she described above. I thought a little background might help the reader understand why I would handle it in that particular way.

Hi Barb,

I sincerely hope that today was better than yesterday for you. Someone used the phrase "If you were mine" while answering your question, so I'll use it once and from there on in, we'll assume that I'm treating you as if you were my wife. I've got a few things that I'd like to say as a preamble though. First let me say that you really do have a good excuse, but one that will be ignored for the purpose of conveying how I would deal with you. That excuse is that it's presumed that there was no one there for you to depend on for the kind of help that you've asked for here. I have had great respect for you ever since I read your first writings here. I thought that you just had to be someone like the person that you described in your earlier email and I'm glad I was right.

I'm sorry that answering my questions seemed to heap more humiliation on you, that wasn't what I had in mind. I left no doubt in my first reply that a spanking was due. I only needed your answers to my questions so I could decide if I'd use the paddle and how long and how hard I'd use it.

I was hoping that you'd say you were almost never late. That you almost never exceeded the speed limit, etc. That would have called for a lecture and a firm spanking with my hand, then a hug. But that would be unrealistic.

"I am truly without excuse."(thanks for being honest) I'd use the paddle. OUCH! "In truth (being late) is an ongoing problem." OUCH! "I never drive under the speed limit." OUCH! "I think I would be pretty contrite." HUGG "Yes, I have had it (expired sticker) pointed out to me twice over the last couple of months." OUCH! "I WILL be on time for work tomorrow." HUGG

I hope I'm not boring you by over explaining, but the above exercise has to do with severity. You'd get a pretty thorough paddling to get your attention and then a "set" of twelve paddle spanks for each OUCH! But the HUGGS are things that won't add and might even tempt me to ease up a little if you were having a hard time dealing with it toward the end. You'd get them all, but because I'm a "nice guy" and very "understanding", I wouldn't be totally unmoved by your distress. <G>

When I'm done (GOD! is he ever going to shut up and get on with it?) I'll ask you to judge me, since I've judged you. If you had prescribed your own punishment would you have dealt with yourself more harshly, or less?

Please remember that this isn't something that I'm doing TO you, but something that I'm doing FOR you. As my wife we'd be in this together, start to finish.

If you were mine... ...this is very close to what you could expect. After your confession and maybe a little crying time on my shoulder (your option), I'd ask you if there was any legitimate reason why you shouldn't be punished. After you said no, I'd send you for the paddle. When you'd retrieved it, I'd have you to take down your panties and then I'd help you get yourself positioned across my lap. I'd touch the paddle to your bottom to let you know that I was about to begin. On the fullest part of each bottom cheek, I'd paddle hard and fast without warm up or let up. No breaks for catching your breath or rubbing. I would alternate cheeks, but not allow myself to establish a rhythm, by giving two or three in the same spot from time to time. A very good online friend once pointed out to me that when her husband is spanking her for punishment, she goes through stages in her mind and that each stage has an accompanying outward sign. The very next time I spanked, I noticed that she was right!

1. Never let him see ya sweat. "I can take what ever he dishes out." This one doesn't last long :-) accompanied by (silence)
2. Denial. "this is not happening to me. I'm a grown woman, not a child." (Grunts, Gasps, etc.)
3. Resistance. "He CAN'T do this to me, I won't let him!" (kicks, wiggles, covers bottom with hands.)
4. Anger. "DAMNIT! I'm going to kill him in his sleep for this! Just wait till he lets me up!" (shouts, screams obscenities, etc.)
5. Panic. "He's gonna beat me to death. I'm gonna suffocate, because he won't give me a chance to catch my breath!" (clenched butt, body stiff, legs straight out.) Acceptance. "I feel like there's nothing left of me but one big blistered butt. I'll do anything to get him to stop!" (limp body, pleading, tears and rash promises to be good forever, etc,)

The purpose of this first "assault" is to bring you through all these stages as quickly and humanely as possible, so that your world consists of your blazing bottom and my voice. When I've got your full attention, I'll give you a break and talk to you about the points that got an "OUCH!" above. After you fully understand what's coming and why, I'll ask you again if there's any legitimate reason for not continuing. After the proper response from you, we'll deal with the first OUCH! This will continue till we've covered all the points and then it's over. You're allowed to rub, hop around, and cry on my shoulder, to your hearts content. Then you'll be hugged and comforted and told that all is forgiven and that it will never be mentioned again. I'll tuck you in bed, kiss you goodnight, and tell you how much you mean to me. I'm exhausted. What just happened was not erotic. It was not fun. It was work. I may be a little depressed, so I'll go for a walk. Later, but probably the same night we'll comfort each other in a very tender, but enthusiastic way. We've just reminded each other again that I'm there for you and you're there for me. Always.

This was realistic Barb, but your situation wouldn't have gotten to that point because I'd have been on your case from the start. You'd have had plenty of warnings and probably a series of less severe spankings for the express purpose of preventing what I described above.

When Barb read my description of what she could expect from a husband who believed firmly in spanking misbehaving wives, she was emotionally devastated. As she told me later, no one had ever done that for her before. No one in her adult life had ever taken a hard assessing look at her behavior and determined that a spanking was most definitely due. It hit her pretty hard that night, but the next morning the feelings of relief which had freed her from the stress and anxiety that had surrounded her while waiting for my verdict were so strong that they bordered on euphoria. In fact she described that next day in glowing terms. This is part of what she wrote about the way she was effected and some of my reply:

"I had a really good day today. I have been in the best mood all day. It has been amazing how people have responded to my euphoria." She went on to thank me for this experience by saying, "I am grateful that you are comfortable enough with yourself and comfortable enough in your marriage that you can give others a glimpse of what a loving stable DD relationship is like. What made this so effective is that you took the love you feel for your wife and your concern for her as a person and projected that into the scenario. I think that more than anything is what shook me to my core."

"What I didn't realize was that for that short time I was actually going to feel all that love and concern that you have for your wife directed toward me. I don't know if this makes any sense to you but, but when you said this wasn't something you were doing 'to' me but something you were doing 'for' me, that was exactly the way it was coming across."

"That IS the way I meant it," I replied to her, "I thought you needed that. Those are the feelings that I have when punishing my wife. It's necessary for both of us to feel that way, or we'll both feel as if we've done something unworthy afterwards. I tried to extend that emotional lifeline to you also, just in case your emotions were as close to the surface as they seemed to be, and in fact were." Barb went on to say, "I felt such love in that scenario and in every emotional spank from your paddle. It had a profound effect on me, but I know the love that went into your efforts, wasn't really for 'me' but it is a feeling that I have been able to hang on to and will always cherish. Maybe that feeling isn't truly mine to keep, but I've got it and you can't have it back. <g> You shared my despair yesterday and I just wanted you to share my elation. No wonder this life-style is so "addicting." I am not sure what I wanted when I first posted about my bad day on Thursday. But now there is no doubt in my mind that subconsciously I was hoping for just such a reaction. It was just a little bit more than I bargained for. But I have a feeling that most of the ladies out there who have actually received a 'punishment spanking' understand the bittersweet side of getting more than you actually wanted."

I posted back to her saying, "Now that you see the benefits of discipline and punishment when lovingly and caringly applied, do you wonder why so many people still "just don't get it"? You've experienced the good that can come from a good fanny-warming without even having a sore bottom." That pretty much ended the postings that the two of us shared about her "bad day."

So, that is how discipline is handled in my household. I guess I must be doing something right, since both Barb and my wife feel that I am.

The thought that I want to leave you with though, is this; Don't assume that if this works for us, that it will work for you. If you decide to incorporate any of this in your own discipline program, please do it with the attitude that you'll try it and see if it works for you.

Happy Spanking,

Josh