I
am interested in discipline/spanking for fantasy purposes only. Your site
is great! I have read some of the fiction and non-fiction and one question
keeps popping up. In a real life DD situation, is the spanking as severe
as in the stories? Twenty or thirty hard swats with a paddle seems unbelievable
to me.
I
admit I have never been spanked as an adult but I can't believe it would
take more than five to get a point across to me, ten maybe, but fifteen
the absolute max. Where do you draw the line between effective punishment
and abuse?
Thanks,
Sarah
From Jim:
Dear Sarah--
Yours is an excellent question. I went to high school in rural West
Virginia--one that believed in--and used--paddling as a disciplinary
tool. I was a good student, but managed to get a couple of paddlings
during the course of four years there. It was a long time ago and they
were only five "licks" each, but the one thing I *do* remember
was thinking while it was in progress, "God, I absolutely can't
stand another whack!"
But when spanking is given for erotic purposes or domestic discipline,
it's an entirely different thing. Firstly, you are being spanked by
someone you trust, not the high school coach. You are placing yourself
your partner's control and know that he loves and will take care of
you. Secondly, an experienced spanker does it much differently--he will
pause to give you time to recover between spanks, and will learn to
"warm you up" by spanking you gently at first, harder as the
spanking progresses. If the spanking is of the erotic type--and especially
if your partner is proficient at building up emotional tension before
the spanking begins you will be so sexually excited that each whack
will only make you hotter than the one before. A long, slow buildup
can be so exciting that you will be amazed by your desires--and your
ability to take a long, fairly hard spanking.
Real disciplinary spankings are a different matter. A hard, no-nonsense
spanking with a paddle--fast, with no warm-up and no pauses between
swats--is one of the most effective ways I can think of to help a young
lady mend her ways. These are spankings you will remember for a long
time, and I doubt you will want many of them. This is called "domestic
discipline" and is not for everybody, but those couples who practice
DD swear that it is the key to a secure, peaceful household. Bethany
has had only a few disciplinary spankings--she's a very fast learner!
When you receive your first spanking as an adult--and I have every confidence
that you will--you will be quite surprised by how much it stings, especially
if your partner does not know how to warm you up. We like to say, "Real
spankings really hurt." But after you've been spanked a few times,
you will able to handle it just fine, and will enjoy it more. Remember,
as Bethany says, "Spanking is ninety-five percent a head game."
The discomfort you feel can be rather intense, but it is the feeling
of complete safety and inner calm which is so very compelling to most
women. Try to have your first experience with someone who is, himself,
experienced. He will take his time with you and make it exciting and
fun. Take your time in selecting that man--be particularly cautious
about people you meet on the Internet. There is some good advice on
our site and elsewhere on how to meet and play with your first spanker,
if you're looking, or how to talk to your husband about this interest
if you're married. And Bethany and I will always be here to answer your
questions.
Love,
Jim
From Bethany:
Fantasy and reality are often poles apart. Your question is a good one,
Sarah, because often the "reality" portrayed in fantasy spanking
stories is suspect at best. Many stories are written by people who have
never had an adult spanking, either for erotic or disciplinary purposes.
I state this by no means in a critical way - one of the most popular
authors we're currently featuring on the Woodshed has never had an adult
spanking, and she gets the "reality" just right.
But other stories are clearly written by someone who is expressing his/her
fantasy. This is fine, but for others equally inexperienced, it's often
hard to differentiate fantasy from reality. I have read spanking stories
where the woman is reduced to tears after ten whacks and others (particularly
on other sites) where she is still feisty after ten minutes of hard
spanking and hundreds of smacks. Some authors cannot write a story in
which the young lady is not reduced to profound weeping, which can be
a very moving fictional touch but for many women often does not happen
during most spankings.
What you seem to be asking, Sarah, is what a "real" spanking
is "really" like. First, I can tell you that for most women
who are in genuine disciplinary relationships, a real spanking is probably
a good deal longer and harder than five, ten, or fifteen whacks with
a paddle. There are, however, exceptions. The husband of one woman I
know made a paddle many years ago - which he hung inside their closet
door - and he's NEVER taken it off the wall. This lady swears to me
that she is reduced to a sobbing mess of remorse after no more than
ten or fifteen good cracks with his hand. I don't think, however, that
this is typical.
So much depends on the state of mind of the participants. Since Jim
and I have been together, I have earned myself probably 10 - 15 "real"
disciplinary spankings. In our experience, when it comes down to real
discipline, by the time the spanking comes around, I have always been
already in a submissive state of mind. A couple of times I have felt
resentful about getting the spanking because I feel he's not taking
mitigating circumstances into account - but I still submit. (There seem
to be a lot of mitigating circumstances in my life, though, come to
think of it.) But I've never been overtly defiant or actively fighting
when a spanking started.
The best I can do is retell a spanking that I would consider a pretty
"basic" disciplinary spanking for us, and you judge. Since
I've never seen another woman get a "real" spanking, I can't
say how typical this is. I suspect that some women do get spanked much
harder than this in real life, and many don't get spanked as hard. (Please,
readers, if anyone else wants to write in with just a basic description
of a typical discipline spanking, do so - I'll be happy to post more
here.)
Jim and I have to travel between two homes due to jobs and kids. The
distance between the two houses is approximately 200 miles. 200 miles
at 60 is about three and a half hours… 200 miles at 75 is about
two hours and forty five minutes - so, every once in a while, I get
a bit "zippy." As I'm sure you are able to guess, I have gotten
a speeding ticket (one!), and Jim, who wants to keep me around a few
more years, was not happy.
When the spanking is "real" discipline, for us, there's not
a lot of trimmings. There's just me over his knee, with my jeans and
panties down, and him with a paddle (usually), bath brush (sometimes)
or switch (rarely). On this particular occasion, Jim chose to use an
oak paddle he made himself. As I recall, he probably spanked me - pretty
hard - fifteen or twenty times, then stopped. Fifteen or twenty hard
fast (i.e, one per second or so) whacks with an oak paddle is enough
to get me just howling. (Whacks that are separated by more time are
MUCH easier to cope with, but when there's no break, it's really tough.)
Then we "talk" which mostly consists of me lying there with
a burning butt up in the air, listening, promising ANYTHING, while he
talks about whatever the problem was. Then, he'll repeat the pattern
a few more times, depending on a lot of factors, like how irritated
he is with me, if the behavior was something caused by carelessness
or defiance, how penitent I seem, if I don't struggle and fight him
(that ALWAYS gets me more) and probably - though I don't really know
how he judges this - how "bad" my butt looks.
He was very serious about me not speeding anymore, so during the speeding
spanking he did make me stand in the corner and then come back for more
spanking. He's only done this a few times. I'd say that during this
spanking I probably got five or six "sets" of fifteen or twenty
spanks with the paddle (with the final set being probably thirty really
hard whacks which did leave me sobbing), so somewhere between 100 and
150 whacks. This left me with a very tender, bruised butt for a few
days. From the "tone" of your initial question, Sarah, I know
this is going to sound like a lot to you. (Actually, as I write this,
it sounds like a lot to me, too!) But I'd say this is a typical (though
severe) real spanking for us, and I tend to think we're about "normal"
for most couples who really do this as part of their lifestyle.
How do I "draw the line" between effective punishment and
abuse? Fortunately, I don't have to. I have a partner that understands
me and my limitations very clearly and there's never been a point in
the years together that I have felt at all that a line was crossed.
To me, abuse is a lot more about what is going on in people's heads
than in their butts. A scathing, insulting, humiliation tirade (with
no physical component at all), to me "feels" far more abusive
than a switching which might leave really tender welts on my behind
for days.
So to answer your initial questions, some stories are obviously excessive.
Any story in which someone would be spanked severely without stopping
for five or more minutes is - in my opinion - not based in reality.
But for those of us who really practice this lifestyle, a real spanking
is going to be more than five or ten swats.
Hope this
helped give you a better idea, Sarah. And again - if anyone else wants
to write in with a "this is what it's like for me" story,
I'd love to post them here.
Bethany