Cathy from Florida
If you review some other questions/answers already in the advice column, you will see that other wives struggle with your same issues to varying degrees. We've got Susan, whose husband WILL spank, but can't understand the emotional facets of "discipline/punishment" that go along with it, and we've got "anonymous" from 10/20 who is convinced that her husband will never be willing to provide this. And then in the Library section of the site, we have Marie's retelling of how she successfully got her husband to spank.
Your situation, Cathy, is somewhat different. Your husband spanked you, and clearly for disciplinary reasons, at an early point in your relationship. You were young, but I assume you were sexually involved with him at the time in a dating relationship. It was, therefore, an "adult" spanking relationship. He obviously has some acceptance of "spanking" as an appropriate response for certain behaviors.
The most interesting question here is not so much why he spanked - we know that - you we're acting like a brat - but why he STOPPED. Did you REALLY get that much better behaved? Did he start feeling guilty that it was just too unacceptable? Did he start to suspect that you were getting turned on by it, and that upset him?
I've found over the years that MOST men who introduce disciplinary spanking really do have an erotic or "semi" erotic spanking interest and do this to justify it, but I have corresponded with one other woman whose husband appears to be just a really old-fashioned, dominant sort of guy who felt that warming her butt was an appropriate last resort when her behavior was simply too unacceptable. Her struggle was different from yours... she hated the disciplinary spankings but was starting to want to mess around with erotic spanking... and he could not understand THIS at all. He was afraid he'd turned her into some sort of pervert and stopped spanking completely.
Why can't life just be simple?!
You say that you love him very much... your marriage sounds closer than the one described by Anonymous. Somehow, you're going to have to find a way to reintroduce the topic.
All of these suggestions have the same goal: to get your husband to open a conversation with you about his feelings about disciplinary spanking in adult relationships. You have a good basis here because he used to spank so, again, he must have some acceptance of it... he clearly feels it's appropriate in some situations and not necessarily abusive... or he wouldn't have done it years ago.
Then what? Well, this
is where you have to be prepared. You need to decide what you really
want... do you want to mess around with erotic spanking/role play and
see if it grows into a more disciplinary relationship again? Or would
you prefer the structure and control that discipline spankings would
provide... and hope that THAT will evolve into a more erotic thing?
Whatever, you have to decide beforehand... and you have to formulate
a clear and concise way to communicate that:
Again, I can't say enough
about Robin Whittle's site as a resource for husbands and wives that
want to utilize disciplinary spanking in their marriages. Marie's article
from the library section might also be something non-threatening (and
a little shorter than Robin's piece) that you can show him.